Let go of the guilt - you’re allowed to prioritise your needs too

I don’t know about you, but for me the last few months have been a complete blur. I started off strong in January, full of vigour and ready to get cracking on my goals and before I knew it, it was already April. Why is it that time seems to fly by so quickly these days?

Like a lot of people, I feel the pull of the constant, unrelenting news cycle. Always torn between wanting to stay informed and needing to protect my mental health by switching off. I try to detox from technology, but I need to be online for work, so it doesn’t take long before I’m sucked back in to mindlessly scrolling on social media as a way to distract or procrastinate from doing what I really need to be doing. I live alone, so there is no-one placing demands on my free time, there is no-one else’s schedule I need to accomodate (other than my cat’s dinner time - that is non-negotiable unless I want to sleep with one eye open).

I often find myself wondering why it is that I’m still so tired when I have lots of time to recharge and rest. I realised it’s because I feel guilty when I do.

For most of my working life, like many of us, I’ve been a slave to “busyness” culture. Whenever I would catch up with friends who’d ask how I am, I’d answer “so busy”. I wore it like a badge of honour. I felt like the busier I was, the higher my self-worth. I know I am not alone in feeling this way. Many women I talk to are pulled in so many competing directions they have no time left over for themselves. For some, they’ve worked so hard to reach their position within their workplace, that they are afraid that if they take their foot off the accelerator, even for a minute, that their careers will suffer. Others are trying to juggle the gigantic demands of parenting while still trying to kick goals at work feeling the pressure to parent like they don’t have jobs and work like they are not a parent. It’s exhausting.

Back in my days of managing a busy travel agency, I would actively seek to employ mums because I knew they’d be the most organised and by far the most productive members of the team. You’ve probably heard the saying “if you want something done - give it to a working mother”. Their time was valuable, so they made the most of it.

But all of this glorification of busy-ness does come at a cost. With finite resources to go around and only so many hours in a day, women often put themselves last on the priority list, or they don’t even make the list at all. Then BAM, perimenopause hits like a freight train and they wonder what in the ever-loving hell just happened to them. Suddenly they can’t sleep, they can’t concentrate, they start losing words. Their joints hurt and a simmering well of rage is building up just waiting to spill over on the next person who chews just that little bit too loudly. Is it any wonder we’re struggling to cope?

What women need is time to rest and recharge without the pressure to be productive.

How often do you feel guilty when you have a moment to yourself thinking of all the things you “should” be doing? How many hobbies or pleasurable activities do you make time for that are non-negotiable? Do you have any? How many of these require you to also be providing care at the same time? When you do have down-time, are you still multi-tasking? Are you constantly running through the never-ending to-do list in your mind? You are not alone!

What I want to invite you to do is to take some time for yourself that is non-negotiable. Block out time in your diary like you would for any other appointment. Use this time to dig deep and listen to what YOU really need in this moment. Is there something you used to love doing that you haven’t done in a while because it felt frivolous? Maybe there’s something you’ve always wanted to try doing but haven’t found the time to do it. It doesn’t have to be big - just something that is for you and you alone.

I was talking to a woman recently who’s family would respect her boundaries and not interrupt her when they knew she had meetings for work, but the second they saw her sit down on the lounge with her book they would pepper her with questions. As an experiment, I suggested she try blocking out reading time in her schedule in the same way she did her work meetings. She found it hard not to feel guilty at first, but it didn’t take long for her to let that go, especially when she saw the positive affect it had on her mood. Now she gives herself permission for regular ‘reading meetings’ with herself, in fact she even moved a cosy chair into her home office so she could really enjoy her uninterrupted reading time. As an added bonus, she found that she was able to be more present with her family because they were no longer competing with her book for her attention. 

So let go of the guilt. Carve out time to do something that is just for you. Make it non-negotiable and set a boundary around making it happen. Prioritising your own needs is not selfish, it is essential.  

© 2025 Jodie Blewitt - meaningfulchangecounselling.com.au